When Amanda A. (agitated) and B. (morose) start to bicker with C. (sullen) over whether D. (sheepish) gave the proper dinner to the baby or E.(conflicted) is accountable for someone's happiness, unsuccessfully or F. (optimistic) isn't as present as she should be during a conversation with G. (distracted) who didn't gaze long enough into his eyes because the baby was crying while H. (aloof) tiptoed around the tension, straddling I. (victim) who is laying prostrate on the floor, begging for J.(manic) who is running with scissors after K.(hurt) who tries to escape this life, unseen... L.M.N.O.P. (wicked) hisses to the powers that be for Q.(stubborn) to just understand why R.(exhausted) needs a nap desperately and S.(dreamer) is perfectly content laying in the leaves with the baby while T.(caretaker) takes Sherman to the vet to remove the infectious skin tag that the baby likes to play with in passing...U. (sullen)stares silently into some abyss at V. (savior)who is scratching her way out to quell the screams from W. (19th Nervous Breakdown) who feels guilty about something, somewhere...X.(content) sits alone, quietly thinking about Y.'s (narcissistic) poor decision to cut her own hair at 3 am, while staring into the mirror at Z.(motivated) who is me, sometimes.
I can't keep up. It just is, so I just am. On days like this, I look to the stars for solace; if there is too much stuffed into my solar plexus, I just send it. Cast it off. Make a new plan, stan...don't need to be coy, roy... catch my drift?
My name is Amanda and I WAS Bipolar and Pregnant. As of August 21, 2011 it was 9 months since River Sadie graced our world... and I had NO idea what a beautiful chaos she would bring in her rucksack of tricks. My self-absorption index has plummeted to an all time low, yet the pendulum still swings; this new universe called motherhood is dizzying. I welcome you to a place where you can read a candid account of dealings with mental illness as a mother, and can apply it to ANY manifestation.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
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