My name is Amanda and I WAS Bipolar and Pregnant. As of August 21, 2011 it was 9 months since River Sadie graced our world... and I had NO idea what a beautiful chaos she would bring in her rucksack of tricks. My self-absorption index has plummeted to an all time low, yet the pendulum still swings; this new universe called motherhood is dizzying. I welcome you to a place where you can read a candid account of dealings with mental illness as a mother, and can apply it to ANY manifestation.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
LIVE
A week ago, my brother-in-law Douglas Newman... a bipolar comrade who I always thought TRULY had the tools to survive, regardless... took his own life, leaving a trail of devastation that is beyond anything fathomable. The look on my sister's face when she tried to comprehend the fact that he "gave in" to his demons I liken to the feeling I get when I close my eyes and imagine what Edvard Munch' "The Scream" painting feels like. I don't know if that description does her pain any justice... but it is how I felt; quiet desperation wrapped in seething anger. Her soul bled, and any ounce of self-deprecation that I have ever felt that has ever led me to believe that life is not worth it ...fell away. AND FAST! It is imperative that we realize the importance of each of our existence to the large scheme of things; there is nothing honorable about choosing to take your own life. This I know now... and this I can honestly share with you. YOU ARE A GIFT... whether you think so or not. The darkness that we can feel so profoundly is there for a reason; without its viscous depth, we would NEVER understand the remarkable lightness that we,too,all experience. THAT is the beauty of this. LIVE. Yin-Yang. I understand now.
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your a genius. and always been extremely strong and hopeful, ur beautiful!
ReplyDeleteYou are Beautiful!!! And I am hardly a genius! xoxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteI am breathless
ReplyDeleteMy sweet, beautiful sister- no truer words have ever been written. I am deeply touched. Let these words ring true- life is worth living. We had real love and for that I will be eternally grateful. I find solace in knowing I will hold your real love soon! You are a gift and I would never be able to express how much I love and admire you. Thank you!
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